But no...today was going to be different. I had that almighty tingle...that feeling that paints an immediate "deer in headlights" look across the millions of faces of unsuspecting people throughout history. It was inevitable. It was barreling down the tracks doing downhill with no possible way to stop.... YES..... Oh wait!!!!
I'm still sitting on the edge of the bed reveling in the future relief!!!!! It takes me a whole minute or two just to get up and slowly shuffle my broken body across the floor to the bathroom and much less the 30 second sitting process!!!! I'm not going to make it!!!!
But I had to try. "I think I can, I think I can!"
Look up and keep looking up to avoid the most excruciating and ripping feeling in my stomach! Stand up while looking UP! Just do it! Done.
Now shuffle those feet one inch at a time! A forward moonwalk of sorts is the prescription for this moment. Fast, but smooth!
Every step is painful and promising. I arrive... now to sit! Look up! Look up!!!! Done.
And you guessed it... the very second my cheeks met the porcelain throne.....it was like a signal to my body cease fire. All movement stopped. It was like the Titanic just after they initially hit the berg.... ALL...... STOP......... Wait and see.
Tic tock. Wait. Tick tock. Wait.
Cut to 45 minutes later and frankly I'll just spare you the details aside from telling you that I was sure I would need reconstructive surgery after that one.
Either way.... It was done. I waddled my way back to my bed to rest. I was told I had a few hours before being released. Greg and my Mom were packing things up and so I rested.
Greg did take me downstairs earlier that day for the first time to have a light lunch and begin to feel human again before going home. It was lovely to join the world after 10 days.
This was the first pic of me outside my room that was not a NICU trip. Greg wheeled me around a bit. He was my chariot champion.
It was just about time to go. I felt I needed to go tinkle before we headed.
So I sat down to anoint the throne and immediately I knew something wasn't right.
I truly felt like I had just had another baby, but this time through the natural route. Cramps were intense and when I looked down into the water....... a GIANT blood clot lay there.
Really? Am I now going to die of a blood clot or bleed out right before I go home? Again with the fear!!! I was angry. We called the nurse and they made me get back in bed. They said I should lay there for an hour and see if anything else happens. If nothing else happened I was free to go.
Yet another test. That hour was again the longest hour ever. We watched TV but I could not even enjoy that. All I could think of was I was going home and now I wasn't.
My family was encouraging and loving as they had always been.
Fast forward an hour..... I was good to go.
Papers signed.
My butt in the wheelchair.
Greg pushing me.
We paid one more visit that day to our precious miracle as this would be the first time Mommy had left her at the hospital. I was ready to be home.... but it would not truly be home for either of us until our family was complete under that roof. So thus began a long and grueling 170 days or just under 6 months of NICU life.
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