The next 48 Hours

So I've seen and touched Eden's little finger all for about 1 minute before I was rolled in my bed to my recovery room.  The next two days while the magnesium wore off, I would only see my 1 lb. miracle through the Angel Eyes Cam.  Thank GOD for this.  She was under the Bili lights so in the camera what I saw was my baby with extremely dark looking skin and the lights were so bright it was quite difficult to really see her.  I could see her outline and the ventilator and the other wires and her tiny arms that would barely move. I could faintly see her tiny chest moving up and down if the lights hit her right.  Basically, I knew she was there... I knew she was alive.  

I tried to watch her cares and wondered whose hand it was that was keeping my baby girl alive.  I was so happy to meet and get to know them later.  I'm guessing this could have her day primary nurse on the left photo....but with the gloves...its hard to tell.  That nurse was PRICELESS to us. 

Greg DID buy me a pink Teddy Bear for comfort.  

 HEAT LAMP CURE....

My BP had come back to around 145/90 up to 150 ish so it had definitely benefited from delivery, and no more headache or blurriness.  But the first time my doctor came in to press on my uterus to see how the incision was holding together... oh LORD.   She warned me she had to do this numerous times over the next few days to keep testing the integrity of the healing incision.  I can still feel this in my body memory.  It was one or two firm presses right above the outer "c-cut" but right on the internal vertical uterine incision.  The shock took my breath away and from that moment... every time someone came in to do it..... my BP would go up a little.  

Finally after 36 hours they could stop the MAG...it could have been 24 hours but I felt it was longer.... I don't know... MAG BRAIN.  The heat lamp sensation began to fade and I was feeling a bit clearer in my head.  I don't know how I missed this in my memories because it was NOT fun but it was time for the SECOND time get my catheter out.  No one can ever prepare for you one being put in and one being "yanked" out.  

Just like no one can prepare you for this:

I couldn't resist lol.

 I say this because it does not matter how slow or cautiously they do it.... it still feels like someone is yanking rope with shards of glass attached to it out of your urethra.  YEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOWWWWWWWWZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
I may or may not have stepped out the Kingdom in the moment.. BOTH times and uttered some very colorful metaphors.   Ok... I DID.   I might have said DARN! 






Day 2 I woke to an imaginary elephant sitting on my chest.  I could not get any kind of deep breath.  I was breathing so shallow and it hurt so bad.  The best description was it felt like an elephant had marched in and parked it's big round butt on me.  One of my favorite Respiratory Therapists actually came up with this when I tried to describe how it felt..... she was perfect in her description.  I just KNEW I was getting pneumonia.  Having had it before I thought I was more susceptible and that a natural progression of all that had happened would be that.  I was taken down for a lung x-ray at which point it was discovered...............NOTHING. lol    It is a regular side effect feeling from the Magnesium.  That next 24 hours was awful as the Mag left my body and left me with this.  But my BP was maintaining... still a little high but not dangerous.  This is a perfect picture of how it felt. 

Every hour or so I would check the Angel Cam and see my little Angel fighting for her life.  I was told after a day on the conventional vent she would need to be switched the JET ventilator which breathes hundreds of times a minute for her.  I hated that I couldn't see her yet.  All this and then LACTATION came in.  She was awesome. 

She told me it was time to start squeezing the heck out of my boobs. 

 Mind you, I did not understand why we would even try because how could my body know it was time to make milk....not to mention how sick I was?  Regardless we began to try.  

So... I'm recovering... feeling awful... can't breathe well, finally catheter out and now...another woman I've never met comes in and starts massaging my boobs!  When I tell you that a situation like this will take EVERY ounce of dignity you thought you had....break it down into a million pieces and sell it all piece by piece for a cut rate..... I MEAN IT. 

 She told me to pump every 3 hours and massage them the same.  Can I just say that is easier said than done when you are trying to recover...can't breathe, still watching the BP and... finally getting out of bed to go to the potty?  

In order to get my self out of bed with only Tylenol-2 to back me up..... they warned me how it would hurt.... but the best advice they gave me was to LOOK UP as I was trying to raise myself out of bed and to slowly walk looking up the whole time.  I would desperately need to continue looking up once day 3 hit.  

More on that to come.....I can't face this right now.... truthfully.