It's a quiet moment for me because our little girl, Eden, can't cry on her own due to the tracheostomy she had put in last January when she was 5 and a half months old. She is dependent on 1/2 liter o2 without a ventilator anymore. I'm looking at her thinking how perfectly healthy she looks. She's got chubs and rolls, she is pink, she is working her wubunub like a champion and she knows me and smiles at me with full recognition all over the room. She is 16 plus pounds now and 9 months old.
The truth is everything that went down 9 months ago... and even the 5 months prior to that was all a shock and a veritable tornado of circumstances that I could NEVER have imagined could or would happen. I suppose it would be like looking at an earthquake monitor where the long sheet of paper being printed is fairly smooth with a few movements here and there and then suddenly... 9.0 scribble scribble scribble...... and... yes were still scribbling :)
In March of 2015 just after celebrating my 40th birthday, I began having strange symptoms in my body. They did not make sense to me because I was always told having a baby was highly unlikely if impossible. So naturally I assume I was experiencing very early onset Menopause. I was also highly worried that I was sick somehow. At the urging of my husband I took a pregnancy test and it took exactly zero seconds for it to tell me I was pregnant. Still in disbelief I made an appointment with my doctor and they had to convince me I was pregnant!
Had a beautiful pregnancy and ultrasounds showed she was a healthy and genetically perfectly developing little girl...until 23 weeks. Being an Opera Singer I have to travel to work. I even continued to travel with her and perform. In fact I had just returned from San Francisco performing with the Mozart Festival there and on stage while I was performing... she began to move! I did notice extra swelling in my feet but aside from typical soreness in the joints like every pregnant woman experiences... I was fine. My BP was checked religiously due to my age and having no history of hypertension... it was always spot on perfect.
One night in August I was packing for a trip to NYC for a gig and some vocal coachings. I noticed I had a small headache but nothing major. My feet were a bit more swollen than normal pregnancy swelling but otherwise I felt fine.
I decided anyway to take my BP at home. First reading was a shocking 165/95. Shocking to me because I've never seen a reading above normal. I decided to take it again and it was the same. I then decided to lay down and relax for 20 minutes and try again. The second attempt yielded a shocking 175/100. I could not believe it and still though it was a false reading because of how I felt. I told my husband who was currently at work who immediately told me in caps through text "GET DRESSED." That meant we were going to the hospital.
I knew this meant my trip was cancelled. And THANK GOD it was. We arrived the ER and they immediately took me to a room and checked my BP. Those readings were accurate. They admitted me for 6 hours while they did tests and monitored me. The end result by the next morning after a run in with who we lovingly call Dr. Death and the Angel (another post on that story!!! Its a good one.) was that at 23.5 weeks, and my BP so high... I had to be transferred to a level 4 NICU downtown... oddly enough where I was born 40 years ago! Diagnosis: Severe Preeclampsia.
I went from almost flying to NYC to sing to being told I was on complete bed rest for the next 3 months or as far as I could make it staying pregnant. Wow. Talk about a 9.0.
For any Mom to be going through this now or who has, you will know its laced with anxiety, several BP meds, 100's of sticks to test for organ damage, hours on the baby monitor that have to be desat free (yet another separate post!) in order for you come off the monitor, hospital food, back pain, swelling up like a balloon thinking your eyes might pop out if you develop anymore pressure inside your body, and loads of fear. The whole point is REST and TOTAL QUIET, but when your body basically belongs to the monitors, needles and blood pressure monitoring every 30 minutes.... try finding rest. My husband was by my side for all of it.
With him and the thousands of prayers going up, I was able to manage my fears with my faith....for at least the next 3 days.
tick tock tick tock......
To be continued...
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