Prepping for the C!

Among so many of my cloudy and hazed memories of the middle of that night, I do clearly remember taking that ride down the hallway with the vomit pan and still sitting on the bed pan... and yes... still active as Mount St. Helens on May 18, 1980.  

I remember making it to my L and D room where a whole slew of nurses, RT's, anesthesiologists and doctors was waiting for me.  It was like being slowly choo choo'd into a Berlin train station where tons of people were waiting on the platform for me.  They were ALL lovely.  Intense.... YES.  But I have specific memories of being kept in a light head space by not only Greg, but certain staff members.  My dear friend from high school was there and came in to hold and caress my bloated and plumped out hand.  I remember how comforting it was and yet for a moment I thought if she was not as gentle as she was being... and she was being gentle.... my fingers and toes might explode.  She was quietly praying over me and while she had the sweetest look of love and encouragement... I knew there was worry tucked in just behind her beautiful eyes.  I later found out she had just been through life threatening surgery herself previously in the same hospital and they almost lost her several times. She KNEW what I was going through.

One stick here for a new IV, one stick there for blood work, push the MAG....feel the DRAG.  Really the Mag brings on more of a sensation of extreme warmth and an "Wooo hooo... bring on the scalpel!" kind of feeling.  I am sure everyone is different, but for me I actually enjoyed the drag of the mag... just not the after effects post surgery.  Then there was my latina angel of a nurse and one I could never forget as well.  I do remember her presence earlier on in this few days when I was down in L and D the first time.  But my clearer memories of her were this time.  Her smile... her complete confidence that everything was going to be ok and that "We do this every day" kind of energy.  





The biggest problem at this point was the vomiting.  The other end had finally taken a hiatus thank God.


But I could not stop projectile vomiting. Greg reminds me often of the female anethesiologist to my right at the time who literally had the reflexes of a cat and saw me about to blow.  

I just knew I was going to erupt all over her, but literally in a split second she jumped to the side, and had a tray underneath my mouth to catch it all.  Dang that gal had SKILL...... well probably more experience.  She saw that glazed look in my eye that said "Oh God here it comes...."   Oddly enough after that room I never saw her again lol.  Maybe she thought better to pass me off to someone else who I could vomit on hahahahahah!

They had to stop the vomiting for fear of aspiration during surgery and to keep what was left in my tummy....acid and maybe some dinner DOWN.  I remember someone bringing me a little shot with a peel off lid of some brown liquid.  She said "just shoot it... don't think about it... don't try to taste it....shoot it and keep it down with all of your might for as long as you can.  Focus ALL of your energy in this moment on keeping it down."   I obeyed.  I shot. But unfortunately I could not help but taste it... it was like drinking high concentrated apple cider vinegar with no sweetener!!!!!  I clenched my throat and gut trying to hold it down.  The liquid danced around in my stomach like a bunch of wild natives stomping at a sacrifice and rumbling the ground under their feet.  I could feel it rising and I would beat it down.... this happened over what felt like was the next 10 minutes in my mind.  But I am told I held down about half of it for only about 30 seconds!  Apparently the goal was holding down at least some of it...which I did.  

The urge to vomit began to subside shortly after and I found a brief moment of peace.  Mind you what appears to be a triple chin on my neck was ALL edema.  I only gained about 24 actual pounds during the pregnancy... the rest of this bloating was all water and swelling from the the preeclampsia.  All 35 pounds of it. 

I remember holding on to the bed like I am in this picture because the Mag really kicked in and I was floating around the room.  I was trying to anchor myself. 

And these two beauties were there to anchor me.  They did. 

Greg will forgive for me this because he knows I love him with all of my heart.  But anyone of you ladies who has ever been in this situation or some medical emergency has likely experienced knowing how horrible you look and feel... having no dignity with everyone poking and prodding you and all of your worst features magnified in this moment... and of course in walks a super HOT staff member.  And you think..."Oh great... a gorgeous man gets to see me like this and I haven't had a bath in two days."  Yep it happened.  I only have a photo of half of his face after the fact down in the NICU.  

I pray I am not running faces and times together.... it is very possible.   It was all such a blur and so clear at the same time. The hilarious part is you can probably zoom to see his name but anyone at that hospital is going to know who this and laugh so hard that this was one of my clear memories.... lololol!   There he is!  Obviously at this moment I could have cared less because I was looking at her isolette.  LOL  Priorities!  Oh and little Devri my niece let me take her Weenie Dog after the fact so I would not feel alone.  So sweet!!!

Ok back to the current moment.... I do remember seeing my families face.. especially my Mom and Dad as I was about to be wheeled to the OR.  It was a sobering moment.  It was quiet.  I saw tears.  I saw a moment of suspension with all of them.  I knew there was a real chance that I would not see them again on this earth, but somehow I felt a peace that I would.  No guarantee though. God has his own plans. I remember being rolled into a VERY WHITE room.  It was immaculate and very bright.  I thought for a moment I had left the earth but then........I felt Greg's hand on my forehead.